Into the Mild

Christmas went by without any problems or drama, thank God.

Rene flew in from CA, and I'd say things have really improved with him. Back in September and at Thanksgiving, I was beginning to dread the major holidays because I didn't know what to expect from him. With Mom's conditions improving, three's not much for him to be anal and uptight about hence the improvement. All thoughts of severing contact with him have vanished.

I feel bad because I thought we had a mutual extended family agreement that there would be no presents. This was a great thing for me since it was less to stress over. To me, when you're circling JC Penney for two hours trying to find the right gift, there is no joy in gift giving. It's a fucking chore. On the other hand, I still got stuff for my old high school buddies and I had fun going through various small curio shops piecing together a hodgepodge of small goodies for them.

Rene's been showing Game of Thrones marathons for the duration of his stay. I was only able to drag him out when I took Justin and Laura for their bi-annual shooting lessons. I've also seen a few movies-- Frozen with Justin, Laura, and my high school crowd. Rene procured a copy of "Saving Mr. Banks" which I enjoyed despite not liking "Mary Poppins." I went with Lyzeth for Chuck E. Cheese pizza and games on 12/29. Her BF Diego got us a Crown Royal sack full of tokens so we spent about 8 hours gaming. I was able to score 879 tickets and cashed them in for a Chuck E. Cheese doll and a few crazy straws.

Lyz and Diego lit up in their car and we went to Taco Bell for munchies. I fucking loved that brownie sandwich. Then we went to the $1 shithole movies to see "Cloudy With A Chance 2." We were so high we walked into the wrong theater and didn't realize it until someone noticed that no one else was wearing 3-D glasses.


Amanda texted me saying that she's pregnant. She and Magnus had been trying ASAP since he's 41 and he doesn't want to be too old and feeble to raise kids. I'm glad for her, though, selfish as it sounds, I'm sad that I've lost a hiking buddy. She'll be able to travel to Italy come spring, but after that she's only flying overseas if she moves to Scotland.

Had a bit of an emotional episode this morning. They had a 9/11 memorial and played "Taps" on the intercom. It reminded of me of Uncle Vern's funeral and I started crying. Luckily I was on conference.

Times like these I wonder if I do have a touch of the PTSD. Between March, April, and May, something bad happened every month. Mom's cancer diagnosis, Vern's death, Mom's stroke.


And then Lyzeth is starting to call once a day. I think that's a bit obsessive, and I ignored my phone three times. I just have a lot of shit to do, work and personal.

I met up with Lyzeth Thursday night. She helped me with grades and translating for non-English speaking parent contacts so I bought her dinner at Furr's Cafeteria afterwards. After a meal of citrus chicken and buttloads of starches-- mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes-- we went to Diego's where he gave me a tiny joint. Last night Lyz picked me up and I lit up (had to use a Leatherman scissors as roach clips) and we loafed on a picnic table at a nearby park. I wanted to go up the Palisades and smoke up the mountain overlooking Mesa Street, but we stayed nearby.

My high was ruined when I remembered that I had forgotten to call a kid's parent over some issues after school. God dammit, even after hours this job haunts me.

The grass made me sleepy and thirsty so we went to a Seven Eleven for Slurpees and chips for Lyz and buttercream cake balls in 3 packs for me. I was so tired I fell asleep doing laundry. I didn't even brush my teeth. And while I was in the downer phase of my high I streamed Monster Rancher cartoons and finished off with that ATT&T Anti-Texting video with the victims' survivors talking about their loved ones' deaths. It's the disabled kid that depresses me the most. Or specifically, not HIM but the IDEA that brain damage can be so devastating that it can vastly alter one's speech, the ability to button a shirt, and so on. And I should know. I spent the whole damn summer in hospitals and rehab clinics among stroke, heart attack, and car accident patients.

1. I bought a new wallet (Fossil) and while clearing out the old one, I saw a bill in one of the pockets. It was a $50 bill.

I can't remember putting it in there to begin with, though I think it might have been for emergency cab fare when I was coming home from my spring break trip.


2. Remember how I got in deep shit last spring with my dept. chair, my supervisor, and the principal for misinterpreting directions for a benchmark test and having the students work on the test in the wrong order? I mean, that incident was the thing that got the principal to finally know my name.

Well, the lady from the district HQ who nailed me and ratted me out to my superiors has been suspended as part of an accusation for manipulating test scores by retaining/promoting students accordingly in order to get the weaker performers, namely SpEd, English language learners, and students from Mexico to avoid taking standardized tests since they're the ones most likely to bring down the scores.

This is one of the first good nights I've had in a while.

But I was able to discreetly pack a hiking bag and a change of clothes in the middle of the night.
But after seeing rain when my alarm went off Amanda & I called off the hike.

Why so secretive? I need a break from the hospital and this was the only way to go for several hours without pissing anyone off.

Charlotte's Web of Deceit

I'm not sure what the proper etiquette is when one's mother is in a neuro rehab center regarding visiting her and spending time with my friends.

Rene tore Dad and me a new one on the 4th for taking over an hour to buy dinner for Mom. She couldn't eat what they were serving her so we went to buy her a salad. And we stopped at Sprouts for juice drinks and a few other drive thrus as a lot of them were closed for the holiday. Again, he went into that condescending tone (In case you haven't noticed, your mother has cancer and had a stroke. You can't go on living your life as if nothing happened!!)

After that, I've been declining invitations to outings and dinners from my friends since I can't live my life as if nothing happened. So I just park my ass in Mom's hospital room, watching her watch TV or reading books or checking her out for fresh sores.

I'm going to crack. I can't go back to work like this; I'll crack and do something stupid and possibly get shit-canned which might be both a blessing and a curse as I need the cash badly yet it would be the end of insanity and stress.

Saturday Amanda, Hillary, Andre & Robert invited me to hang out and eat at Denny's. I had to blow off the movie invite part since Dad said he wanted me at the rehab. But once Mom was in bed, I left.

Basically, I don't want to risk pissing off Dad or Rene so I've been lying through my teeth, faking other problems to spend time with my friends. I still visit Mom almost every single day, but I get bored just sitting there reading books. Frankly, I'm afraid to say/do anything since Rene is so anal retentive about anything that can hurt Mom. He rebuked my the other night just for saying that Mom had a full load with rehab. He said not to focus on the negative about her busy schedule. It's not like I said that she was never going to get done. If he's going to be like that, he can do this shit on his own.

I was at training today and I lied about having tech issues in order to get a few hours with Amanda-- we went grocery shopping and then out for frozen yogurt at Menchie's.

I hate lying. But if it's the only way to buy some free time, so be it.

At 3-ish yesterday, Mom grew very faint and dizzy during her phys therapy.
She was coherent but she didn't want to talk or move, most likely because those motions made her dizziness worse. So the staff at the rehab center called 911 and had Mom taken back to the hospital ER.

After over four hours waiting, the hospital got Mom a bed in telemetry. No one's gotten word on the CAT-SCAN results. But the Dr.'s said that it was not another stroke or bloodclot.

Two theories:

1. Mom's nerves coupled with her meds might have triggered this. (Nerves)
2. She may have a UTI (the doctors kept the same catheter tube in her for 2 weeks before they removed it).

Just when she seemed to be improving, she just got worse. I even rescheduled a training since I was in the hospital with her till midnight. I didn't get out of bed till 9:45.

So in addition to dealing with Mom's stroke, my principal called me in on 5/27 to tell me that despite another ENG teacher resigning, she still had to let another one go and I was that teacher. She claims that because of my lack of seniority and the fact that I'm not a coach were factors in my reassignment. BUT...there is one other teacher who had been hired after me. A couple of people have asked if I plan to get the union involved, but I won't because it can get messy and while I may win the battle to stay, I'll lose the war because my principal will really micromanage and nitpick me in retaliation. A little slip-up can lead to a severe punishment.

I took the news badly. I cried just about everyday at work till school let out for summer. The kids saw me, and my co-workers saw me bawl. I couldn't even compose myself to go to the first thirty mins. of a going away party for myself and the other guy who resigned.

The principal got pissed as hell with me because on the last three days she wanted teachers to be "doing meaningful instruction." With all of the shit with Mom's stroke, I shut down for the year and since the kids are pretty good, I told them to use the rest of the week as a study hall. Well the principal peeked through my door window and got pissed that the students were on their phones and playing cards. And she had the balls to drag my supervisor into it and had her send me an email pretty much repeating what she had said about meaningful instruction. I lied and placated my super and handed out old photocopies telling the kids to look busy. I even said, "I'm outta here anyway." What a goddamn hypocrite. This woman snaps at me for this little fuck up while she comes into work late and has dragged morale among students and teachers alike to hell from her poor showmanship-wannabe attitude. She is not Steve Jobs of academia and this school does not need this sort of gimmick. We need a strong, competent, honest, and realistic leader. These problems never existed with the first two principals before she came along.

A good chunk of the students were very supportive when I told them about my transfer. When they gave me cards and told me thank you for being a good teacher, it made me cry. A chunk of my irritation also came from the fact that I basically feel worthless because I do shit for them like swapping out the original final exam that was supposed to be a typed report for a text and image collage analysis of what we read at the end or buying Evelyn the SAT prep book and voc. flash cards to help her out with her testing since she was not in the GT pool that gave the same materials to the kids. Instead, I'm expendable because I care more about academics than the kids' abilities to chase a ball on a field.

And when I was told about the transfer, the principal said, "Hillary will be going with you." (Hillary is my history dept. foil). It seemed more like the way a mom tries to placate a disgruntled kid by telling him that after church they'll go to McDonald's for lunch. Hell, I have a hunch that this was arranged so that both of us go to the new school together since we're counterparts of each other.

I'm taking my sweet time clearing out my room. I'm tired emotionally. I can drag my carcass out of my rancid-smelling bedsheets, but I'm falling asleep in the rehab center visiting my mom by late afternoon. I've got a former student from a couple of years ago helping me move on Thursday.

Deep down, I almost want to really focus on getting the test scores up at my new campus. Not so much to prove my worth, but because I want to make my old boss suffer more by thrashing her ass and getting her in trouble for having inferior test scores. I want to competitively tear her a new one, anything to keep her from looking good with the super intendent and his various secondary-education underlings.


Despite that colonic scrape, I still loved this school. The kids are all right. There were no heinous behavior incidents this year and the campus is relatively safe and clean. Or at least my kids were. My co-workers were decent folk. Hell, after word spread that I was leaving, one teacher who I suspected was annoyed with me surprised me by saying that she'd miss me. The special-ed teacher that I worked with last year when I had mixed mainstream and sped kids even confided in me that the students did better when I taught them. I will miss most of my co-workers, my friends, and my students.

A couple of months ago, before I left for Utah, I visited comedian Dan Mintz's webpage and wrote a comment in his email. 

The people who commented on his YouTube videos were right. He is a real nice guy. He replied to my message this morning. I was curious about his writing ideas, and he actually wrote a thorough response, not a generic "Thanks for writing, you have a good day" type thing. It's refreshing to see people who are up there (celebs, etc.) sans the rock-star attitude. I don't think Mintz is really well known except for his stint as Tina on "Bob's Burgers," but he still shows humility and just seems like a real down to earth guy. 

Amanda & I took our last summer camp/hike back to City of Rocks, NM.

We spent one night and came home a day early as the weather got real ugly on us at 3 a.m. Winds picked up so we flattened the tent and slept in Amanda's Civic.

We spent our first day hiking around the tombstone-like rocks in the park, climbing in the crevices. I even sorta napped in one hollow. The rock wasn't even that hard. I laid on my belly and used my hat as a pillow. We went to the Wally World in Deming for groceries and Wendy's and returned to the camp to eat and lounge at dusk.

The next day was a hike of the other rocks in other campsites followed by a trip to Fayville Hot Springs. The springs was more of a... I hate to say "resort" because the place was run down. It's just many small pools filled with hot spring water. You've got private pools, public pools, and the clothing optional pool which is where we headed. After soaking for several minutes, Amanda took her swimsuit off and sat naked in the small, hottest pool. I reluctantly stripped as well and stayed in the larger medium-heated pool. We were by ourselves till a man came in. I could barely look at him when he asked me about the water. I hunched into a ball. But the real bad surprise was when Amanda and I were soaking in the hottest temperature pool and lo and fucking behold, the goddamn Brady Bunch comes on in-- with their goddamn kids!. I was so embarrassed I couldn't look at them. Yeah, I totally forgot to consult Emily Post on proper nude etiquette when there's children at a clothing optional spa! I stayed put which was hell because the water was very hot. But I didn't want to expose myself in front of that family so I kept my back to them and hunched. Amanda later said she thought that I was going to cry or get sick of my stomach from nerves. I finally stood up and got my towel and sat on a bench till they left. From there, no one else arrived so we soaked till 5 p.m.

( Pix..no nudity, I promise )